


For the Damaged

by DaggerStar



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Runaway, and caleb decided to tell essek, different sides of the same coin, the M9 decided to tell the bright queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaggerStar/pseuds/DaggerStar
Summary: You were not born with the venom in your veins. You learned it.You learned it.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 115





	For the Damaged

**Author's Note:**

> Teen+ rating for the generally heavy tone, not for PG-13 moments. Spoilers for campaign 2 up to episode 99.

Caleb understood why Veth and Beau were doing this. He understood, and he felt sympathy for the vitriol and disdain they held for the young wizard named Essek. The man had essentially thrown a match into dry brush, and whether or not he expected that brush to catch was still in the air. But certainly a few members of the Mighty Nein had done some questionable things in their lives, most obviously Caleb himself. He thought of himself as he thought of Essek; how could he not? A man must pay for his crimes, yes, but is Caleb exempt from that rule? If he is, then why not Essek? In crow form, Caleb soared through the Xhorhasian air in order to make it to Essek before Veth and Beau made it to the Bright Queen. Jester had sided with Caleb during the discussion on what was to be done to Essek now that the war was tentatively over and a few members of the Assembly had been brought to justice. Then there were the whispers that Caleb was not meant to hear, telling tale of outing Essek’s extracurricular studies to the Bright Queen. To do what is right. Caleb had gotten angry at his found family, a feeling which he did not enjoy and definitely felt guilty of afterward. But through the guilt was the realization that if he could not sway the majority of his friends with his own experiences, then at least he could warn the other side of this conflict. Offer Essek the same thing that Caleb had had. If he deserved it or not was up to Essek to decide.

An open window in Essek’s tower signaled as the perfect entrance. As his crow body darted through the window and into whatever room he was about to enter, Caleb lowered the polymorph spell and landed on his human feet with a thud. Rapid footsteps charged up the stairs and Caleb heard someone speak something in Undercommon. He felt his body freeze up. As soon as the wizard who had uttered the spell locked eyes with Caleb, however, the spell was immediately dropped.

“Wh-” Essek let out a sharp sigh and crossed his hands in front of his chest with thinly veiled minor annoyance. “Generally, I find that one should warn the man whose bedroom you’re about to appear in so suddenly.”

“ _ Entschuldigung _ , pardon, but this is an emergency.”

Caleb ran a hand through his long, burnt-ginger hair. Strands haphazardly settled around his face, surely showing his nervousness. Essek looked the Zemnian standing before him up and down with furrowed brows, then gave him a nod with slightly pursed lips and raised brows.

“I, ah, tried to dissuade my friends, but,” Caleb took a moment to string together his words, “I am afraid that the Bright Queen will soon know of your transgressions against the Dynasty.”

The drow straightened himself with a deep breath in and seemed to ruminate on Caleb’s words within the floorboards of his bedroom. A sad upturn of the lips appeared on his face, and it made Caleb move forward just so, but such an expression was gone in a flash.

“I mean this with no offense, but it is my word against theirs and I have served under the Bright Queen much longer than since you all arrived.”

Just as Essek began dismissing Caleb, Caleb stepped even closer and put a hand on the other’s arm. Their eyes met. Caleb’s blue eyes were ice, his face stern. It seemed to startle doubt into Essek’s mind as he failed to match this staring contest. Now it was his turn to run a hand through his short, white hair. The millions of thoughts running through his head were cut off completely once Caleb slid his hand down and took his wrist, speaking once more.

“You have to leave here.”

“I cannot simply get up and run away like a criminal,” the Shadowhand replied with incredulity.

“But you  _ are _ a criminal, Essek, and you should not wait to be tried for your crimes else you be a  _ dead _ criminal.”

Essek scrunched his eyes shut in contemplation. He let out an airy growl of frustration. When he peered into Caleb’s icy blues again, Caleb saw question after question die on the man’s tongue, resigning himself to temporary acceptance for survival. He let go of Essek’s arms, who swiftly gathered a few things from his nightstand, including a book and a belt which he buckled under his cloak. Spectres of the past haunted Caleb’s vision like spots during a migraine in all the panic of an equally damned man. Every movement, every possible thought in Essek’s mind, just a waltz that Caleb had danced once before. The only difference being that this dance was much harder without a partner. After gathering his things, Essek came to stand back facing his fellow wizard, seemingly debating with himself, which confused Caleb as he assumed the time for debate on leaving was at least postponed. Caleb tilted his head as Essek moved toward him and took his hands in his own.

“I’m sorry this…” 

He trailed off as a pained shine came over his silver eyes. Slowly, softly, Essek leaned in to kiss Caleb’s forehead with a gentleness that was so languished over. It was a promise, or perhaps just a simple sorrowful goodbye, but as Essek parted the gesture, Caleb’s hands reached quickly to his face. With the same careful repose, he cupped the other’s face and kissed him on the lips with poignancy. All the world, and the two men could hear only each other’s heartbeats. After a moment no longer than a stolen breath, they parted. While their noses still touched, not willing or able to let go of this contact, Caleb unclasped something from his neck and placed it in Essek’s hands. Gripping the drow’s hands in his, he backed up a step.

“ _ Viel glück _ , my friend.” He said the words as though they were a knife in his ribs.

Essek moved back and looked at the amulet he was just given with a busy expression. He fastened it onto his neck, and tucked it beneath his cloak and shirt. The last afforded time died, and Essek began weaving his hands through the air while still looking at the human. In a wave of violet-white magic, Essek Thelyss evanesced completely, leaving Caleb to his shaky breathing and uncertain form. Banging started from downstairs, and shouting in Undercommon. Caleb took a cocoon out from a pouch on his belt and focused on his previous crow body. He flew out of the open window and back to the Mighty Nein, his family, with the deepest melancholia taken root in his heart.


End file.
